I’m a two-year survivor of triple-negative breast cancer and was diagnosed on my 40th birthday.
I know it sounds weird, but overall, this disease is oddly the best thing to have happened to me. My life needed a bit of steering, and now I’m here to help you. Here’s a vid of nearly one year of intense treatment, chopped down to under 5 minutes. It’s all so vivid when I watch, yet all such a blur.
I sometimes completely forget I was stuck in a pandemic with a cancer tumor in me—what a trip.
Due to the aggressive nature of my type of cancer, you typically do treatment first prior to surgery, so I had to sit there for months with this fool chilling inside of me, not really knowing if the chemo was working or if the cancer had spread. It was trippy to be able to feel it and also a little scary because I didn’t think it was shrinking at one point. Little did I know it was all dead cells and scar tissue at that point.
Reuters did a story on me given the fact that I was “lucky” to get my surgery—which is crazy that it was a hot commodity at the time—and The New York Times picked it up.
Cancer + divorce + an insane pandemic lockdown at the same time = no fun, not to mention an emergency egg-retrieval surgery amid all the madness … but it all brought me to where I am today.
I deserve to continue telling my story, and when they time is right I will tell it in its entirety.
FUCK CANCER
I forgive my cancer, I forgive my ex, and most importantly, I forgive MYSELF. It was a highly complex situation with layers and layers of deep pain.
This song “Nutshell,” by Alice In Chains has always been one of my favorites, but it has particular special meaning for me from during this time. It signifies a dark time where my life completely took a turn … I’ve always appreciated dark music, as it helps me feel emotions even more deeply than I already do. Plus, Jerry Cantrell’s show at the Pico Union Project in DTLA was the last show that I saw before the world shut down and music did as well. At the time, we didn’t know if or when it would be back. And I didn’t know if I would be around to see it come back.
Happy National Cancer Survivors Day. I walked 11 miles today, spent the day in Central Park, with birds chirping, dogs barking, kids giggling, couples smooching, trumpets blaring, and kite’s flying. Super grateful to be here and super happy in NYC.
XOXO,
Marisa
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